GUEST DIVA: Diva Martine's Tale of No Natural Curls

Hi There!
I love bringing you blog posts that speak to the good, the bad, and the fabulous aspects of being natural.  With any type of hair whether it's relaxed or natural we as women get bored, frustrated, and crave for something new or something that our hair is lacking may it be shine, brightness, or in this case curls.  Diva Martine is with us again to share another Tale. Enjoy! - Diva Nic

Diva Martine's Tale of No Natural Curls by Diva Martine

I've experienced a renewed sense of freedom as I chopped of my relaxed locks but it didn’t last for long. I didn’t have a real plan on what I would do next or how to style my hair until I watched a few YouTube videos. There were endless videos on how to bring out your curls. For the next couple of weeks I went on a mission to bring out my curls only to suffer disappointment when my hair refused to curl. Maybe it was due to my poor job of cutting my own hair. I would never advise this to anyone but I asked my boyfriend to clip my ends. The only problem with this idea was that he wasn’t a barber. Finally I stepped into a barber shop and had them shave my head down---I had nothing to lose at this point. I walked out of that barber shop feeling rather sexy and stylish. I never knew that I had such a cute shaped head and unbeknownst to me, I could carry the almost-bald look rather well. It was probably the first time in my life that I had strong/beautiful black men stop me on the street to tell me that I looked beautiful. I think that it was a combination of my hairstyle and the confidence that is required to rock a fade.

It was only a few months into my new look that I began to obsess about my curls, or lack thereof, once again. I became a product junky, purchasing gels and conditioners from every retailer imaginable because I was confident that one of them had the secret potion to bringing out my curls. I suffered from curl envy as I watched other naturals in the street. “What’s wrong with my hair? Why won’t it curl?” I couldn’t believe that I was back in the mental oppressive state that I had been before my big chop. The whole point of going natural was to free myself form social constructs of beauty and now here I was wishing that my 4C hair was a different grade. Hadn’t this always been my issue; not feeling like I was good enough? It was time for me to drop my story.

Maybe my hair just didn’t curl, which didn’t make me any less valuable than my friends with natural curls. The whole point of being natural was to let my tresses be free to do as they pleased. By coating every strand of my hair with mounds of gel, in order to create curls, wasn’t I masking my hair’s natural beauty?

My hair was no more than 2 inches long and didn’t have a particular pattern to it so how would I style it every-day to go to my corporate job? It was time to consider a protective style. My first choice was braiding my hair and through the help of YouTube videos, I discovered yarn braids. This seemed like an affordable protective style that I could do myself. I was a bit apprehensive. Was I less natural if I wore fake hair (in this case yarn)? How would I explain to my non-black colleagues at work how my hair went from 2 inches to 10 inches overnight?

“Are you living your life for you or for other people?” my other natural friend asked me. She was right; it was time to live my life for me. I defined who I was and wasn’t and I didn’t have to answer to anyone except for myself. If anyone has a problem with my hair or the terms of my being natural, that is none of my business. After coming to this realization, I can truly say that I am free!"

- Diva Martine